Co-Parenting Tips

Co-Parenting Communication: 10 Keys to a Successful Shared Parenting Journey

Co-parenting offers a great opportunity for personal growth and provides the best possible scenario for your children’s well-being. Successful co-parenting communication is effective between both parents, which can help foster a safe, loving, and stable environment for your children. This article aims to provide a comprehensive guide on co-parenting communication, drawing from various sources to offer valuable insights and tips on how to navigate this journey successfully.

Importance of Co-Parenting Communication | Parenting After Divorce
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1. Understanding the Importance of Co-Parenting Communication

Effective communication between co-parents is crucial to ensure that your children’s needs are met and that they maintain a close relationship with both parents. Good communication also has a strong influence on the mental and emotional well-being of your children, reducing the likelihood of anxiety and depression. Here are the primary reasons why co-parenting communication is essential:

Discuss Important Decisions

Throughout your children’s lives, you and your co-parent will need to make numerous important decisions together. These can range from daily matters, such as dietary choices and bedtime routines, to more significant ones like educational choices or medical treatments. Communicating openly and effectively with your co-parent can prevent feelings of resentment and ensure that both parents have a say in these decisions.

Help Children Feel Secure

Seeing their parents communicate calmly and openly can help children feel secure and understand that their parents’ love for them will prevail despite the separation. This can help them adjust better to the new family dynamics, improving their self-esteem and reducing the likelihood of them feeling responsible for their parents’ separation.

Establish Consistency

Consistent rules, discipline, and routines between both households are essential for your children’s well-being. Effective communication between co-parents can help establish and maintain consistency, preventing confusion and manipulation on your children’s part.

Set an Example of Open Communication

Children tend to model their behavior after their parents. By maintaining open communication with your co-parent, you set a healthy example for your children, teaching them to communicate effectively and peacefully in their future relationships.

2. Setting Co-Parenting Communication Guidelines

Creating co-parenting communication guidelines can help both parents understand their roles and responsibilities in this new arrangement. Here are some tips to consider when establishing these guidelines:

Maintain a Calm Emotional State

Avoid initiating communication with your co-parent when you are not emotionally calm, except in emergencies. Emotional conversations are best handled in person or via phone calls, where your co-parent can better understand your tone and intentions.

Be Flexible and Open to Updates

Be open to hearing your co-parent’s communication needs and updating your communication strategies accordingly.

Establish a Regular Communication Schedule

Create a regular communication schedule and develop a standard report to share with each other after each child visitation or when there is a child-related update.

Create and Update Communication Rules Together

Agree on communication rules and update them as needed. Consider discussing how often you should communicate, preferred communication methods, and how to handle emergency situations.

E. Keep Communication Child-Centric

Ensure that all communication with your co-parent focuses on the well-being of your children. Avoid discussing personal issues or conflicts unrelated to your children.

3. Choosing Co-Parenting Communication Tools

Different co-parents may have unique communication preferences. It is essential to decide on the communication style or styles that work best for both parents. Some possible communication tools include:

In-Person Communication

Speaking face-to-face can help improve your co-parenting communication skills. However, ensure that both parents remain calm and focused on the child’s needs during these interactions.


Texting is useful for quick updates and communication but might not be the best option for resolving conflicts or addressing misunderstandings.


Emails are a great option for short or long-form communication, especially when documentation of your interactions is necessary for legal reasons. Ensure that emails are clear, concise, and focused on a single topic if possible.

Phone Calls

Phone calls can help resolve conflicts that cannot be handled in person or through text messages. They also offer a better way to convey tone and intentions compared to text-based communication.

Shared Calendars

Set up a shared calendar to organize and set reminders for child-related appointments, visitation schedules, and other events.

Check out these apps for additional resources: The Best 7 Co Parenting Apps Reviewed

4. How to Communicate with a Toxic Co-Parent

Co-parenting with a toxic co-parent can be incredibly challenging. If the situation becomes dangerous to your mental, emotional, or physical well-being, it is crucial to involve professional help, such as a lawyer, mediator, or therapist, to manage the situation with strict guidelines and oversight.

5. Setting Boundaries in Co-Parenting Communication

Establishing appropriate contact-related boundaries with your co-parent is essential for a healthy co-parenting relationship. Consider the following tips when setting boundaries:

Discuss Communication Preferences

Decide as a team how often you feel it is appropriate to contact each other and which communication tools you each prefer.

Handle Emergency and Deadline-Related Situations

Agree on how to manage emergency situations and make decisions with deadlines. Discuss what to do if you cannot reach each other.

Resolve Conflicts Constructively

Discuss how to resolve conflicts effectively and come up with solutions that both parents are comfortable with.

Be Honest and Open About Boundaries

Agree to be honest with each other about your communication boundaries and discuss any changes that may be necessary.

6. Transitioning Between Co-Parenting Households

Transitions between households can be challenging for children. To make these transitions smoother, consider the following suggestions:

Prepare Your Child for Transitions

Remind your child of upcoming transitions between households a day or two in advance to help them anticipate the change.

Keep Things Low-Key

When your child first arrives at your home, engage in a quiet activity together, such as reading a book or playing a game, to help them adjust.

Establish a Special Routine

Create a unique routine for when your child returns to your home, such as a shared meal or activity, to help them feel more comfortable and secure.

7. How Often Should Co-Parents Communicate?

The frequency of communication between co-parents depends on the preferences determined together. Consider setting a schedule for regular communication updates regarding your child, and create guidelines for emergency situations, significant decisions, and deadline-related decisions. In general, it is best to update each other immediately about any new information concerning your child, such as updates from their school, counselor, doctor, etc., and after each parental visit.

8. Co-Parenting Communication Template

Creating a co-parenting communication template can help you track your child’s well-being and provide each other with quick updates. A template may include the following:

  • Feeding and eating notes
  • Nap notes
  • Behavioral changes and mood
  • School updates
  • Homework completion status
  • Doctor updates
  • Personal items with the child
  • Additional notes
  • Urgency level of other topics to discuss

9. Resolving Co-Parenting Disagreements

Disagreements between co-parents are inevitable. Keep the following tips in mind when trying to reach a resolution:

Show Respect and Restraint

Treat your co-parent with respect and be mindful of your words and actions. Remain focused on your child’s needs and avoid personal attacks.

Keep Talking

Continue communicating with your co-parent, even if you disagree on certain issues. Avoid discussing your differences in front of your child.


Both parents may need to compromise on certain decisions for the best interests of the child. Be willing to find a middle ground and consider each other’s opinions.

Related article: What is Effective Co-parenting

10. The Path to Effective Co-Parenting

Learning to communicate effectively with your co-parent can make the shared parenting journey more enjoyable and less stressful. By focusing on your children’s needs and maintaining open, respectful communication with your co-parent, you can provide a stable and nurturing environment for your children to thrive in. Remember, it takes time and effort to develop a successful co-parenting relationship, but the benefits for your children are well worth the investment.

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